Friday, October 23, 2009

Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Sheree's chokehold on the fashion industry and NeNe's chokehold on Kim.

Time. It comes and goes as quickly as the daily wigs gracing Kim’s skull. It seems like only yesterday these ladies came back into our lives, and now they are leaving us again. Sigh…all is well that ends well. Except it didn’t end well. Not by a long shot.

Things in Atlanta are running at a frenzied pace as Sheree and Dwight make some last minute alterations to the She by Sheree “fashions.” Well, mainly Dwight micromanages and yells at people about seams needing to be pressed while Sheree looks aloof and mumbles into the phone to somebody about basketball tickets. For someone who claims this show is her baby, Sheree sure does seem to not give a shit about it. Maybe she’s just tired.

Over at the Wu-Hartwells, Lisa and Ed have some real talk about their finances. With Ed leaving football, he says that they’re going to have to downsize and move into one of their investment properties: specifically the house he lived in before they got married. Lisa seems a little nonplussed by this, but makes sure to mention over and over again that the smaller house is still a mansion. I see them totally pulling a Vicki and Don from OC and ditching that small house for their bigger one within a year.

While that’s going on, NeNe has some words with Gregg. See, Mr .Leakes is none too pleased that NeNe chose to meet her possible biological father Alan, a dude Gregg is pretty skeptical about. While I get that Gregg is worried about NeNe's feelings and that kind of stuff, I think he's being kind of unreasonable here. I mean, she just wants to meet her dad, it's not like she's promising to buy him a Bentley or anything. Yet... Ok, maybe he has a point.

Since apparently it's also Mother's Day in Atlanta, Kandi throws a big party with a bunch of people who are assumedly mothers or something. The party is very sweet, and Kandi's mom even takes AJ aside and makes amends, telling him that if Kandi's happy, then she's happy. The whole thing is very heartwarming, except that when you take into account the recent events with AJ's passing, it's actually kind of really sad.

Later, Kim has her gay stylist (who you'll remember from last season when he made that whore schoolgirl tube-top dress for her) over to gussy her up for Sheree's show. The two have wine in ridiculously long-stemmed glasses and talk about , who else, NeNe. Kim says NeNe is still pissed about not being a part of Tardy for the Party and won't let that shit go. The gay says something in his weird southern lilt about NeNe being jealous.

Next, Lisa and Ed go over to their potential new home to scope the place out. Ed has been using it as a storage facility so it doesn't look in tippy-top shape, but it still seems nice nonetheless. They keep talking about adding closets, new driveways, and a bunch of other gigantic renovations. Call me crazy, but doesn't doing hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of renovations kind of defeat the purpose of downsizing your house to save money? Paging Suze Orman!

After a commercial break, it's time for a bizarre Rashomon-esque she-said-she-said involving Kim and NeNe. Apparently, off camera there was a big confrontation at Bow Wow's mom's boutique (which is always an awesome location for a knock-down-drag-out fight). Since we don't get to witness it first hand, we learn of the altercation from Kim relaying to Kandi and NeNe talking to Dwight (in his ridiculous evil puppet lair). According to Kim, NeNe ambushed her in the boutique and started screaming at her about the record. Then, allegedly, she put her hands around Kim's neck and started to choke her. Kandi sagely wonders in her interview what Kim did to warrant a choking. Love her.

On the flip side, NeNe says that Kim had her hands in her face and was screaming, and then Kim slapped NeNe's hands, and that's when she went NUTS! NeNe says that as a formerly abused woman, she'll never let anyone touch her again. She is a little ambiguous about what happened after that, which makes me think that she may have actually choked Kim after all, but we'll never know since they're both compulsive liars.

We're not allowed to dwell on that for too long, however, since finally, at long last, the event you've lost days of sleep over has arrived! The She. By. Sheree. Fashion. Show. We head over to the W, where things are approaching a fever pitch preparing for the big event. Well, mostly Dwight is just babbling about fashions and accessories like his usual puppet self, while Sheree worries about her hair. Seriously, she says she is going to leave the show the day of, three hours before show time, to get her hair did. Fortunately, Dwight convinces her this is a ridiculously stupid idea, and she stays.

Dwight makes some alterations on the dresses (since it turns out designs tailored for a muscular, possibly enlarged womanhood-sized body like Sheree's don't necessarily translate to model sizes), and works on the accessories. He goes big, since he says it's better to overkill than to underkill. I think this pretty much sums up Dwight's whole life philosophy in a nutshell. ALSO! Dwight says the show has to "shut it down." Do you think Bravo made him say this as some sort of RZP crossover? Does Rachel actually have a nationwide catchphrase? Amazing. Anyway, for all his bitchitude and assholiness, Dwight seems like he actually knows what he's doing, even if he is a horrible underminer.

While that tornado is going, a different sort of storm is brewing over at Kim's condo. Looks like NeNe is on her way over so the two can discuss the Showdown at Bow Wow's Mom's Corral, although I don't think anything good is going to come out of it, since both ladies attitudes are pretty much "fuck that bitch, she's crazy." But, they meet nonetheless, and basically resolve nothing. Kim maintains that NeNe choked her, and NeNe still says that it was Kim who laid her hands on her first, and Tajomaru still claims that he only fought and killed the samurai because the samurai's wife begged him to. Guess we'll never know the real story.

Anyway! Back at the W, it's time for the fashion show to start! All the who's who of Atlanta arrive one after the other looking very chic. Lisa shows up donning one of Kylie Minogue's tour castoffs, and the rest of the ladies look presentable enough, although Lisa definitely looks way more dressed up than anyone else at the show, and thus a little out of place.

NeNe is a total class act at the show, demanding an apology from Kandi (which is ridiculous since NeNe is clearly in the wrong on that one), and saying that she'd rather pluck out her toenails one by one than talk to Kim. So understated and refined, that one.

On to the show! The clothes all look good enough, though in my opinion kind of boring. However, Sheree puts forth a show that doesn't look terrible, and is actually wearable, so all in all I call it a success. Afterwards, everyone congratulates Sheree and says they want to wear her clothes. Kim particularly wants to wear the see-through silk shirt, and Sheree looks a little too excited at the prospect of seeing Kim's titties. Speaking of which, did anyone else notice Tania's absence at the show? Trouble in paradise perhaps?

So, that was that, end of season 2. Like the RZP, I'm a little disappointed by this season's offering. I mean, it made me like KIM for god's sake. Hopefully next season will be better. I'm excited for the reunion show, since apparently NeNe was none too pleased by how she was portrayed on the finale. Hopefully this translates to some sort of smackdown of Andy Cohen. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Anyway, this is me, signing off on season 2! Farewell ladies of the south, I hope we meet again soon. Stay tuned in two weeks, when we begin the new season of where it all began: the OC. From the previews, this season looks post-apocalyptically insane. Exciiiiiiiteeeeeed!

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