So! Once again I have let too much time lapse between recaps. Apologies! Apoguesadilla!
Basically, in the episode before last, Lynne got evicted, the ladies went to San Francisco, made a scene in a fancy restaurant (involving almost everyone dry-heaving), and everyone was mean to Vicki. Oh and Breanna might have cancer. All caught up? Good.
So anyway, we pick up where we left off, at Sunday brunch in San Francisco, with the ladies all attacking Vicki for being a bitch, which she kinda is. Still, I felt a little bad for our porcine princess just because you can tell that this totally isn't how she saw this season going. She thought she was going to rule the roost now that Jeana was gone and she is the only OG housewife, but alas, Titty Tuesday is gunning for the position.
They all yell at Vicki about how she was rude to them at Lynne's party when she said they don't work (which, again, they don't), and Vicki gets hyperdefensive and storms out. Her world-weary daughter (oh yeah, she's there too), reprimands the ladies about how catty and childish they're all being, and then goes outside to comfort her mother.
The ladies soon follow, and the fight continues outside. Alexis is all "You are rude! How could you say I don't work!" and then Vicki is like "You don't! You wanna be housewife? Own it!" and I am like "YES! VICKI! VICKI!" Seriously, if you told me last season that in the future I'd be rooting for Vicki, I would have pushed you to the floor, held a knife to your throat, and screamed "TAKE IT BACK! TAKE IT BACK!" What a world we live in.
The ladies ultimately come to an awkward truce, ending the brunch with Alexis saying an awkward prayer, asking God not to kill Briana. She's all "Dear Lord, we know you can do miracles Lord, you parted the Red Sea with your Lordiness, Lord Lord. Lay hands Lord Briana miracles miracLALAMASHEEKIMALAMAHAYA!" (that last bit was her speaking in tongues, which she didn't actually do. Artistic license!)
After the weird brunchfight ends, the ladies hop on the next aeroplane out of San Francisco and head back to the decaying sun-scorched wasteland they call home. Once there, it's back to reality, which for Lynne means being reminded of the fact that she doen't have a home.
Lynne doesn't have a home because she and her whole family, much like the rest of Orange County, and our country for that matter, have been spend-spend-spending beyond their means, and now that the money has stopped flowing, they can no longer afford the lifestyle they never really could to begin with.
However, according to Lynne, it's because her husband is a mean jerk who hid things from her and didn't tell her the real story, and that's the narrative she's sticking with. So, she and her equally indignant daughter head over to the hotel where dad has been staying, and yell at him about how he is a mean smelly jerk. To remedy the situation, dad pathetically offers "We could take a vacation?" Acting as if 1) they actually have money to do that and 2) stuff like that isn't the reason they're in this position in the first place. Ugh! These people!
So while that business happening, Gretch-n-Slade are heading off to the scorched desert to have a fun vaycay with Gretchen's parents at Merv (do you think they called him "Merv the Perv" back in the day?) Griffin's old house. Yes, apparently the deceased tv impresario's home is now a bed and breakfast. Weird, right?
So anyway, Gretchen's mom totally hates Slade because he is a sleazebag, but her dad is indifferent to him, so Slade confides in Mr. Gretchen that he has something big he wants to ask Gretchen (WINK WINK). However, he winds up not asking said thing when Gretchen goes off on a tirade about how marriage is a sham and people should be able to "lease" their partners, allowing them to trade up to the nicer model in a few years.
Aaaaand, that was basically that episode. Oh! Except there was also a scene where Tamra and Simon have dinner and talk about Lynne's situation and how they might lead to divorce. This was obviously edited post Barney family disintegration, since a lot of emphasis was placed on the couple's views on divorce.
So this concludes this week's recap...1 week late. Whoops! I'm a slacker. See you tomorrow=ish for the recap of tonight's episode!