Hey! Check out this Bourne Identity parody my brother and a couple of his friends made. Like what would happen if Bobby Flay had amnesia and was figuring out who he was. TO THE EXTREME.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
The Island told me you should fuck Kate.
I have come across what may be the most amazing thing on YouTube I have ever seen. A guy who goes by the name KCSCougar has made a series of animated videos based on basically all the TV shows I love. Lost, Hills, Housewives. They're GREAT. Do yourself a favor an watch them ASAP.
Real Housewives of New York City Reunion
"COUNTESS!"
The Hills: Stephanie Prints Labels
"People's Revolution needs labels!"
Ode to the Millionaire Matchmaker
"Dude, that fits in your vagina?!"
And finally, LOST: John Locke is Bored.
"The island said to fuck her. No matter what."
So. Good. Check out his actual YouTube page too, theres more where these came from!
Real Housewives of New York City Reunion
"COUNTESS!"
The Hills: Stephanie Prints Labels
"People's Revolution needs labels!"
Ode to the Millionaire Matchmaker
"Dude, that fits in your vagina?!"
And finally, LOST: John Locke is Bored.
"The island said to fuck her. No matter what."
So. Good. Check out his actual YouTube page too, theres more where these came from!
Monday, May 18, 2009
On the Lost season finale.
SO HOW ABOUT THAT LOST SEASON FINALE?! In those two marathon hours we ran the gamut of human emotion: joy, sadness, fear, terror, rage, sleep (I had an early morning! so sue me), frustration, and GOD DAMN IT ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER I HAVE TO WAIT 9 MONTHS TO RESOLVE. All stages to acceptance of Lost's abusive boyfriend-eque role in our lives.
However, I've come to the decision that I liked the finale, although right after it ended I had a different opinion. Initially I felt like it was more of the same, with familiar plot deviced like introducing new riddles to replace old ones that had been solved, Kate irrationally making a decision based on Jack's irrational decisions, someone dying, and maddening cliffhangers.
BUT! After giving it about a week to marinate, I am now of a different opinion. Although it did have some familiar Lostian conventions, I think it did a good job of setting the stage for the (hopefully) revealing last season. For instance, we were introduced to Jacob, in all his blonde scruffy glory (is it just me or was he kinda dreamy?), as well as the passive contributions he apparently has been making throughout all the protagonists lives in order to get them to where they are today. Which when you think about it is kind of a "holy shit" moment. We also were introduced to Jacob's (possible) nemesis, whom some blogs are dubbing "Esau." It looks like Jacob has apparently been battling this Esau dude for a long, long, at-least-dating-back-to-the-black-rock's-arrival long, time. Is this battle the reason for all the shit going on up in this bitch?
Which reminds me, speaking of holy shit moments! We learned that "John Locke" this season wasn't in fact John Locke at all, but Esau taking the form of the fersure dead, cold as ice, dead as a doornail, forever dead, dead dead deadski real John Locke. So looks like Esau can take the form of dead peeps on the island, which would explain the "ghosts" of people like Yemi, Claire, Jack's dad, and others showing up to people throughout the series. Maybs Jacob and Esau are battling for control of the island by using the protags as pawns? Jacob's passive manipulation of events and Esau's making Ben stab Jacob would suggest that neither can actively change the course of events, but rather passively influence things. Which, as mentioned on the Jezebel recap, is supported by the reveal that the statue on the island is of the Egyptian crocodilehead god (wouldn't it be awesome if there was a chickenhead god?) Sobek. According to the allmighty Wikipedia, ol' croccyface is credited as "having a more distant role, nudging things along, rather than taking an active part" compared to other gods. So is Jacob's job to give the old nudgy-nudge to the events of time? So many new things to consider! And also, did Jacob really die when Ben stabbed him?
This stuff, along with other big reveals like Ilana knowing more than she lets on, and also the whole JULIET BEING ALIVE LONG ENOUGH TO BLOW UP THE FUCKING ISLAND THING are all set to make the next season a very good one, although it is one we have to wait a whole 9 goddamn months for ABC to birth out of it's snood. So I know it was frustrating to not have more of a release, but I can wait. And honestly, it's Lost. What did y'all expect? The whole thing is a 6 season long case of blueballs.
P.S. who else is sick of Kate? She stopped being a compelling character AGES ago. Homegirl needs to go ahead and get dead quick.
However, I've come to the decision that I liked the finale, although right after it ended I had a different opinion. Initially I felt like it was more of the same, with familiar plot deviced like introducing new riddles to replace old ones that had been solved, Kate irrationally making a decision based on Jack's irrational decisions, someone dying, and maddening cliffhangers.
BUT! After giving it about a week to marinate, I am now of a different opinion. Although it did have some familiar Lostian conventions, I think it did a good job of setting the stage for the (hopefully) revealing last season. For instance, we were introduced to Jacob, in all his blonde scruffy glory (is it just me or was he kinda dreamy?), as well as the passive contributions he apparently has been making throughout all the protagonists lives in order to get them to where they are today. Which when you think about it is kind of a "holy shit" moment. We also were introduced to Jacob's (possible) nemesis, whom some blogs are dubbing "Esau." It looks like Jacob has apparently been battling this Esau dude for a long, long, at-least-dating-back-to-the-black-rock's-arrival long, time. Is this battle the reason for all the shit going on up in this bitch?
Which reminds me, speaking of holy shit moments! We learned that "John Locke" this season wasn't in fact John Locke at all, but Esau taking the form of the fersure dead, cold as ice, dead as a doornail, forever dead, dead dead deadski real John Locke. So looks like Esau can take the form of dead peeps on the island, which would explain the "ghosts" of people like Yemi, Claire, Jack's dad, and others showing up to people throughout the series. Maybs Jacob and Esau are battling for control of the island by using the protags as pawns? Jacob's passive manipulation of events and Esau's making Ben stab Jacob would suggest that neither can actively change the course of events, but rather passively influence things. Which, as mentioned on the Jezebel recap, is supported by the reveal that the statue on the island is of the Egyptian crocodilehead god (wouldn't it be awesome if there was a chickenhead god?) Sobek. According to the allmighty Wikipedia, ol' croccyface is credited as "having a more distant role, nudging things along, rather than taking an active part" compared to other gods. So is Jacob's job to give the old nudgy-nudge to the events of time? So many new things to consider! And also, did Jacob really die when Ben stabbed him?
This stuff, along with other big reveals like Ilana knowing more than she lets on, and also the whole JULIET BEING ALIVE LONG ENOUGH TO BLOW UP THE FUCKING ISLAND THING are all set to make the next season a very good one, although it is one we have to wait a whole 9 goddamn months for ABC to birth out of it's snood. So I know it was frustrating to not have more of a release, but I can wait. And honestly, it's Lost. What did y'all expect? The whole thing is a 6 season long case of blueballs.
P.S. who else is sick of Kate? She stopped being a compelling character AGES ago. Homegirl needs to go ahead and get dead quick.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Defending the Housewives
I watch a lot of tv (which is hardly news). And as I've mentioned before, I watch a lot of reality TV in specific. As many of my fellow reality fans can surely relate to, this causes me to get a lot of shit. From pretty much everybody. Coworkers, friends, et cetera et cetera forevera forevera. For example:
INT: An apartment. NOAH walks in. He greets his FRIEND.
NOAH: Hey! Oh my God, did you SEE the Real Housewives of New York City reunion?
FRIEND:...no.
NOAH: It was so good! Kelly is such an idiot, am I right? And how AWESOME was it when LuAnn told Ramona she had crazy eyes.
FRIEND: I have no idea what you're saying to me right now. I honestly can't believe you watch that. It exists solely to make people dumber.
NOAH looks sad. Cut to scene of Noah in shower, crying and cutting.
END SCENE
Seriously though, why is there such a stigma attached to watching so-called "bottom of the barrel" programming? Why is my love of ladies acting terrible so much worse than someone watching CSI, Law and Order (any of them, take your pick), or god forbid fucking Two and a Half Men.
Why does everyone for some reason have to act like there is some sort of good/not good hierarchy they have to abide by? It's television. You sit on a couch and watch it, sometimes in your underpants. Sometimes you fart while you do it. Whether it's The Wire or Rock of Love IV: Dogsled, theres nothing inherently dignified about it. One shouldn't be defined as a person by television they watch, movies they see, or music they listen to. If you did then you would be me circa ages 12 to 17, which I can assure you is anything but cool. Not being embarrassed by liking what is "not cool" is part of growing up! It's the same reason your parents rave about how great "Monk" is, or why your Grandma can't stop wearing that sweatshirt with the cat's showing their assholes on it (you know which one I'm talking about). They love it, so they do it!
The main purpose of TV is to entertain, and at best leave you with something to think about afterwards. And I can assure you, one episode of Daisy of Love will leave you with 100 more things to think about than an episode of The Office or The Wire EVER will.
So lighten up, guys! It's TV! Just relax and enjoy it.
INT: An apartment. NOAH walks in. He greets his FRIEND.
NOAH: Hey! Oh my God, did you SEE the Real Housewives of New York City reunion?
FRIEND:...no.
NOAH: It was so good! Kelly is such an idiot, am I right? And how AWESOME was it when LuAnn told Ramona she had crazy eyes.
FRIEND: I have no idea what you're saying to me right now. I honestly can't believe you watch that. It exists solely to make people dumber.
NOAH looks sad. Cut to scene of Noah in shower, crying and cutting.
END SCENE
Seriously though, why is there such a stigma attached to watching so-called "bottom of the barrel" programming? Why is my love of ladies acting terrible so much worse than someone watching CSI, Law and Order (any of them, take your pick), or god forbid fucking Two and a Half Men.
Why does everyone for some reason have to act like there is some sort of good/not good hierarchy they have to abide by? It's television. You sit on a couch and watch it, sometimes in your underpants. Sometimes you fart while you do it. Whether it's The Wire or Rock of Love IV: Dogsled, theres nothing inherently dignified about it. One shouldn't be defined as a person by television they watch, movies they see, or music they listen to. If you did then you would be me circa ages 12 to 17, which I can assure you is anything but cool. Not being embarrassed by liking what is "not cool" is part of growing up! It's the same reason your parents rave about how great "Monk" is, or why your Grandma can't stop wearing that sweatshirt with the cat's showing their assholes on it (you know which one I'm talking about). They love it, so they do it!
The main purpose of TV is to entertain, and at best leave you with something to think about afterwards. And I can assure you, one episode of Daisy of Love will leave you with 100 more things to think about than an episode of The Office or The Wire EVER will.
So lighten up, guys! It's TV! Just relax and enjoy it.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Do not want.
"Defecography is an x ray of the anorectal area that evaluates completeness of stool elimination, identifies anorectal abnormalities, and evaluates rectal muscle contractions and relaxation. During the exam, the doctor fills the rectum with a soft paste that is the same consistency as stool. The patient sits on a toilet positioned inside an x ray machine and then relaxes and squeezes the anus to expel the paste. The doctor studies the x rays for anorectal problems that occurred as the paste was expelled."
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Worstquality Returns, or the time I saw Janice Dickinson at Starbucks
Apologies for the long no-post gap. I was [insert made up excuse for my laziness].
So the other day I stopped at the Starbucks on Sunset next to Saddle Ranch (the Saddle Rance of D-list reality show weave-pulling fame)on my way to work. I don't usually go there, because the parking lot is tiny and an s-show, but I had a giftcard.
So I park my car, and walk up to the door just as an extremely thin woman walks out with her arm around some old dude. The old man was nondescript in a pea coat, but the woman looked ridiculous. Like I said she was skeleton-thin, and had a scary plastic surgery face with big monster lips and cheek implants. Also, she was kinda old, and not wearing makeup, which made her face look like a weird paper bag mask. Kinda like the Fandango puppets only anorexic and more rumpled. Her outfit was similarly nuts: leggings (natch), Ed Hardy t-shirt and matching Ed Hardy sweatshirt (vom), and one of those knit caps with the pom pom and the ear flaps, making her look like she was from Hollywood via Lapland.
So anyway, I keep going on my merry way until I hear an unmistakable loud whisky-voice. Its at that point I realize its no mere, woman, but...
JANICE DICKINSON!
Ok so thats not Janice Dickinson, its Zorak in a wig, but its 6 of one, half a dozen of another, ya know?
Seriously though, best LA celebrity sighting to date. I just wish it wasn't 8 in the morning so she was more lucid and doing crazy stuff. Oh well...
So the other day I stopped at the Starbucks on Sunset next to Saddle Ranch (the Saddle Rance of D-list reality show weave-pulling fame)on my way to work. I don't usually go there, because the parking lot is tiny and an s-show, but I had a giftcard.
So I park my car, and walk up to the door just as an extremely thin woman walks out with her arm around some old dude. The old man was nondescript in a pea coat, but the woman looked ridiculous. Like I said she was skeleton-thin, and had a scary plastic surgery face with big monster lips and cheek implants. Also, she was kinda old, and not wearing makeup, which made her face look like a weird paper bag mask. Kinda like the Fandango puppets only anorexic and more rumpled. Her outfit was similarly nuts: leggings (natch), Ed Hardy t-shirt and matching Ed Hardy sweatshirt (vom), and one of those knit caps with the pom pom and the ear flaps, making her look like she was from Hollywood via Lapland.
So anyway, I keep going on my merry way until I hear an unmistakable loud whisky-voice. Its at that point I realize its no mere, woman, but...
JANICE DICKINSON!
Ok so thats not Janice Dickinson, its Zorak in a wig, but its 6 of one, half a dozen of another, ya know?
Seriously though, best LA celebrity sighting to date. I just wish it wasn't 8 in the morning so she was more lucid and doing crazy stuff. Oh well...
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Shameless Plug
I recently helped my brother out on a video he and his friend were doing. Its about how the invention of sound spelled the death of wicker in the film business. I act in a couple scenes. Act! Me!
PEEP THAT SHIT
PEEP THAT SHIT
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