Semi-serious non-bad-TV-related post alert!

I was perusing BBC News this morning, like one does, and came across this article by Tim Franks that I found pretty interesting. Tim is the current BBC News correspondant for the Middle East, finishing up his tenure there. He also happens to be a Jew, and wrote this pretty interesting, tempered article about his struggle to reconcile the two and remain impartial.

Especially in the current climate with rhetoric ratcheting up at breakneck speed from either side of the fence, it's refreshing to read an honest, calm, and well-reasoned editorial on the region for once.

Read it if you get the chance! You can't spend your whole day reading about Teresa's Onyx Manor foreclosure, can you? (Answer: Yes you can.)


(via BBC News)

Who knew the UK Border Agency were such huge Rihanna fans?

Chris brown got denied a visa to enter the UK "on the grounds of being guilty of a serious criminal offence." This is presumably due to the recently passed "Royal Pop Diva Protection Act of 2009."

(via BBC News)

It's hard out there for a musclequeen.

This is Christian Matyi, and he is being oppressed. I know! You look at this picture and think, "In what way is this handsome adonis possibly oppressed?" Is he part of a persecuted religious minority? On the receiving end of racism? Is he being gaybashed? No, worse.

He is being persecuted for the crime of having gnarly abs and rock-hard disco tits.

You see, Christian is a professional bodybuilder who recently wrote this piece for The Good Men Project (which I found via Towleroad and reads like an Onion article) about how people are totally mean to him because he has a ridiculous body. According to him, his pursuit of outrageously exaggerated body proportions has put him in a minority class, and because of this he is the subject of daily derision. People bump into him in the supermarket! People comment about how huge his muscles are! People gasp when he takes his shirt off at the beach!

Dude, maybe people bump into you in the supermarket because YOUR SHOULDERS TAKE UP THE WHOLE EFFING AISLE! People gasp and comment on how big your muscles are because THEY ARE FUCKING BIG!

Lest you think his musclegod ambitions stem from a lack of self confidence, he also points out that he totes didn't become a "My Size GI Joe" doll because of insecurities. Nah man, it's just cuz he likes looking totally rad in his tank tops, bro! Not 'cause he's some sort of insecure loser.

Look, I'm all for people doing what they want with their bodies. You want gigantic breasts? A smaller nose? A fourth penetrative oriface? Fine, it's your body, do what you want. However, when you wilfully inflate your body to cartoonish proportions beyond that of a normal human being, you don't get to then complain about unwanted stares or comments about said body. Mr. Matyi doesn't get to complain the same way Heidi Montag doesn't get to complain about the recent media storm over her recent re-boobing and re-facing: you want to mod your body, get used to stares.

Another thing, Chesty McPowerglutes: you don't get to cop minority status. Last I checked, there isn't some sort of oppressed be-pec'd and be-abbed underclass, though they may just do a good job of hiding them. For all I know the factories of South Los Angeles are staffed entirely by men who look like they stepped off a Falcon video shoot (sexxxy!).

So yeah, note to all: rants about how hard it is to be pretty? Not always well received.

Also, I am totally jealous. I can haz powerglutes?

I think I am in love with Lindy West.

Recently, I saw The Worst Film in the History of American Cinema, also known as Sex and the City 2. I've spent a little over a week now trying to verbalize just how terrible the film really was, but was struggling to find the words. Was it because of the terrible writing? The parade of over-the-top Gucci clown suits? The offensive Middle Eastern stereotypes? The scene where SPOLER ALERT Samantha smears estrogen cream on her vagina in the middle of her glass-walled Times Square office, in full view of her assistant? The fact that it is TWO AND A HALF FUCKING HOURS LONG?! The answer to all is yes, but also, so much more!

It was in the midst of ruminating on the shittiness of this film that a friend of mine sent me Lindy West's review from The Stranger, and let me tell you, it is solid gold. She enumerates the film's awfulness with such scathing, hilarious verbage it makes seeing the film almost worthwhile just so you can fully appreciate her rage.

My favorite part:

"Samantha, being the prostitute sexual revolutionary that she is, rages against the machine by publicly grabbing the engorged penis of a man she dubs "Lawrence of My-Labia." When the locals complain (having repeatedly asked Samantha to cover her nipples and mons pubis in the way of local custom), Samantha removes most of her clothes in the middle of the spice bazaar, throws condoms in the faces of the angry and bewildered crowd, and screams, "I AM A WOMAN! I HAVE SEX!" Thus, traditional Middle Eastern sexual mores are upended and sexism is stoned to death in the town square."

Seriously, READ IT! It's worth it for the phrase "emaciated goblin shoulders" alone.

Even if you couldn't give two shits about the movie, or have never heard of Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, or Charlotte (lucky you), READ IT!


P.S. Also good, her article about the worst popes ever.